In Bed With Kristin Russo

Kristin is co-creator of Everyone Is Gay & My Kid Is Gay, author of This is a Book for Parents of Gay Kids (Chronicle, 2014), and was host and producer of First Person, a video series on gender and sexuality from PBS Digital and WNET. She also holds a Master’s in Gender Studies from the CUNY Graduate Center.

In 2016, Kristin began working as Executive Producer and co-host of the now critically-acclaimed pop culture podcast, Buffering the Vampire Slayer.

 Evan: So, in this episode of In Bed With Evan, we have the pleasure of talking with Kristin Russo!! Tell us your name, pronouns, and a little bit about yourself!

Kristin (She/Her): Thank you so much for having me! My name is Kristin, and my pronouns are she/her. I live in New York, and have worked with LGBTQ communities for the past decade or so — and also work as the host and producer of Buffering: A Rewatch Adventure, a podcast where we rewatch iconic TV together!

Kristin (She/Her): We just finished a six year, seven season run through Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

Evan: Wow! That's incredible. You started the website and Youtube channel ‘everyoneisgay’ with your friend Danielle. Talk to us about how that got started.

Kristin (She/Her): Yes, they go by Dan now, and we began that work as a joke at first, a place to have fun and laugh on Tumblr.

Kristin (She/Her): What we found was that a space to ask questions anonymously was a very, very powerful thing for a lot of LGBTQ young people, so questions started pouring in by the thousands. We had to decide what to do, and so we tried our best to talk openly and honestly and give advice to the folks who were asking questions. The response was really incredible, so it grew into a YouTube channel and then we began touring the country speaking at high schools and middle schools and colleges!

Kristin (She/Her): We also discovered that there was a very big lack of resources for parents, so we began the site mykidisgay.com and wrote the book This is a Book for Parents of Gay Kids.

Evan: Thanks for letting me know that about Dan! WOW that is so amazing. And yes, that actually leads me into my next question - You also wrote the book ‘This is a book for parents of Gay kids’. Talk to us more about that, and also what your biggest take away from writing it is.

Kristin (She/Her): We were incredibly honored to be able to put together our thoughts, and the thoughts from many in our communities, to act as a resource for parents. Many of the books that were out there prior were outdated, and quite somber in their approach. So, it was very exciting to be able to create something that was informative and also positive and celebratory in many ways. We worked with a large team of people including parents and folks that identified differently than ourselves, to do our best at making the book accessible to as many people as possible.

Evan: That is so wonderful and so cool. I also work for an LGBTQ+ suicide helpline, so I definitely know what you mean about resources for parents specifically lacking.

Evan: So, you mentioned, you and Dan used to travel the US, giving talks. Did you encounter any questions about being queer and disabled? If not, why do you think that was?

Kristin (She/Her): We received more questions online than we did in person on topics that centered on disability and queerness.

I imagine that the first reason was because, overwhelmingly, folks were much more comfortable asking things from a place of anonymity — especially when it came to sex and sexuality — but I also think that there were likely two other factors that led to less in-person questions about that intersection.

The first is the general lack of knowledge and conversation that was (and is) being had openly about disability. It is hard enough to speak up in a room about identity without also wondering if the folks in the room or on stage will be able to receive your question without causing harm.

The second is access. I have learned a lot over the years about making spaces (online and in person) accessible, and while we did work to do that back in 2012, we certainly weren't making our spaces as accessible as we could have and should have been. I am sure there were folks who wanted to come to our events who were not able to because of lack of access from the school itself or because of our own ignorance around access at that time.

Evan: Exactly! There is still a huge lack of information about sex and disability. Side note - many many years ago, I wrote an article for your website about dating with a disability. So, because you also work with high schools to create a more welcoming environment for LGBTQIA+ students. What are some things you suggest to administration and teachers?

Kristin (She/Her): Oh my goodness! Yes I was thinking about the folks that we had on the site who did exactly that — how amazing that you were one of them!! And thank you!

Kristin (She/Her): In terms of schools, it really depends a lot on the circumstances — sometimes schools are working actively to protect their LGBTQ kids and they need very specific guidance on things like how to make bathrooms safe(r) spaces for queer youth, how to bring in LGBTQ history to curriculums, how to talk to younger kids about gender and sexuality, etc. Sometimes teachers are struggling against an administration that does not want to support them, or an administration that is more concerned with catering to parents that do not support their/other LGBTQ kids. So, it changes from place to place.

I think the biggest thing I try to do in each conversation I have is listen to the specific questions and needs of the people who are there, and meet them with honesty and openness. I have gathered a lot of information over the years, and I also know when I need to look elsewhere for resources that are a better fit than the information I have in my own brain!

Evan: That all is so incredible and makes so much sense. How do you think we can make school a more friendly environment for disabled LGBTQIA+?

Kristin (She/Her): I think LISTENING to disabled LGBTQIA+ folks is one of the biggest missing pieces in many school (and work!) environments. So, for starters, listen to those folks who have experiences that you yourself do not have — and trust that they will know better than you will how to meet their own needs.

Second, I think that those of us working actively as allies need to continue to learn and inform ourselves and others so that the burden of educating does not fall to only disabled LGBTQIA+ folks!!

I had one of the most powerful experiences of my life in conversation with an interpreter at an event that I worked on, which incorporated intersections of race, disability, and queerness. I try to hold tight to those things I learn along the way and communicate them to as many folks who will listen.

Evan: Exactly! So many people think they know what's "best" for disabled folx, but of course disabled folx themselves know best. We are the experts on us. So, my last question for you is - Do you have any cool projects coming up?

Kristin (She/Her): Yes, exactly that.

And yes, a couple things around the bend!!

I am working on a couple of books right now, one is part of an ongoing series called "A Quick & Easy Guide" (one of which is about sex and disability and is fantastic) — mine is about Coming Out! The other book is a pop culture memoir of sorts, where Jenny (my co-host on Buffering and my ex wife!) will be writing about our six year journey with Buffy, the community, and each other.

And then, in early March, Buffering will begin our coverage of a brand-new 90's show... which may or may not be about the truth being out there. ;)

Evan: Awesome! This all sounds incredible, and everyone should check this all out!! This was soo great! Thank you for being in bed with me! Any last thoughts?

Kristin (She/Her): Just a massive thank you for the work you continue to do, and for having me here in the space!!!

Evan: Take care Kristin! 

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